High-impact interpersonal skills PDF Ebook

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High-impact interpersonal skills

High-impact interpersonal skills

High-impact interpersonal skills

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Page 1 Page 2 Apex Leadership Ltd High-impact interpersonal skills How to be a persuasive leader 2 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 3 High-impact interpersonal skills: How to be a persuasive leader 1st Edition © 2013 Apex Leadership Ltd & bookboon.com ISBN 978-87-403-0365-0 3 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 4 High-impact interpersonal skills Contents Contents Preface 8 About the Author 9 1 Introduction 10 2 Influencing 11 2.1 Power and influence 11 2.2 Active listening and being interested in others 12 2.3 Body language and being assertive 13 2.4 Building rapport 14 2.5 Influencing skills summary 15 3 Persuading 16 3.1 Ethos, logos and pathos 16 3.2 Arguing if you’re right, listening as if you’re wrong! 17 3.3 Selling a message. 18 3.4 Persuasion skills summary 19 A C A R EER W I T H I N F I N A N CE & I T Denmark’s largest provider of financial software solutions needs YOU! Offering you personal and professional growth We are a leading sup- The SimCorp culture is characterized by open Who are we looking for? plier of highly specialized dialogue, empowerment and fast decision-making. Our core competencies lie within economics, software and expertise Reporting lines are clear, thus action is not bogged finance and IT, and as a result the majority of our for financial institutions down in bureaucracy. We believe in solving work- employees have a master degree within business and corporations – related challenges together, and you will find that and finance, IT, mathematics or engineering. activities, which have established our repu- both management and colleagues are very receptive tation as “the house to suggestions and new ideas. Are you completing of financial know- your master degree this year? how”. We are listed As newly hired employee in SimCorp you will go Then apply now – why wait – a fast tracked inter- on the OMX Nordic through an extensive introduction period, in addition national orientated career is just around the corner! Exchange Copenhagen to being provided with a mentor. This gives you the and have 800+ emplo- opportunity to secure the know-how necessary to yees. perform efficiently. Care to join us? – Visit us at www.simcorp.com SIMCORP A/S · Oslo Plads 12 · DK-2100 Copenhagen O · Denmark · +45 35 44 88 00 · www.simcorp.com 4 Click on the ad to read more Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 5 High-impact interpersonal skills Contents 4 Delegating 20 4.1 Delegation defined 21 4.2 Why delegate? 21 4.3 How do you delegate? 21 4.4 Communication skills for delegation 23 4.5 Delegation Quick Checklist 23 5 Coaching 25 5.1 What is coaching? 25 5.2 The 5 P’s of coaching 26 5.3 Communication skills for coaching 27 5.4 A Coaching Process 28 5.5 Coaching styles 29 6 Praising 31 6.1 Praising is amazing – the power of feedback as a motivational tool 31 6.2 Tips for giving positive feedback 32 6.3 Effective feedback 33 Lighting, beyond illumination In 10 years 2/3 of people will be living in big cities. At Philips we focus on providing lighting beyond illumination to make these cities more livable, enjoyable and safe. #makeitmeaningful What will be your impact? www.philips.com/careers 5 Click on the ad to read more Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 6 High-impact interpersonal skills Contents 7 Presenting 35 7.1 Getting your message across 35 7.2 Beginnings and ending 36 7.3 The 60 second test 36 7.4 Presentation checklist 37 8 Handling conflict 39 8.1 What’s the problem? 39 8.2 Typical responses to conflict 39 8.3 Solving conflict together 41 9 Facilitating 43 9.1 What is facilitation? 43 9.2 Facilitation – focus on progress 44 9.3 Facilitation – making progress 45 9.4 Interpersonal skills for facilitation 46 9.5 Personal Characteristics 46 Start your career as a trainee and get ahead. #PIONIERGEIST Our trainees talk about their work at innogy and what #PIONIERGEIST means to them. Click and see! 6 Click on the ad to read more Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 7 High-impact interpersonal skills Contents 10 Leading team meetings 48 10.1 Effective team meetings – why meet? 48 10.2 Types of meeting 49 10.3 Effective team meetings: the basics 49 10.4 Meetings tips – before, during and after 50 10.5 Managing content and process 51 10.6 Facilitating team meetings 52 11 What next? 53 �e Graduate Programme I joined MITAS because for Engineers and Geoscientists I wanted real responsibili� www.discovermitas.com Maersk.com/Mitas �e G I joined MITAS because for Engine I wanted real responsibili� Ma Month 16 I was a construction Mo supervisor ina const I was the North Sea super advising and the No Real work he helping foremen advis International al opportunities Internationa �ree wo work or placements ssolve problems Real work he helping fo International Internationaal opportunities �ree wo work or placements ssolve pr 7 Click on the ad to read more Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 8 High-impact interpersonal skills Preface Preface Most suveys into what employers want in their staff would result in a similar list. Employers are looking for people who are good at: • Teamwork • Communication • Self-motivation • Planning and organising • Problem solving • Decision making • Time management and prioritising • Flexibility and adaptability • Willingness to learn • Interpersonal and negotiating skills In our companion e-book: Hidden Communication Skills Revealed, we discussed the career skills that make you stand-out. These essential inter-personal skills for managing an effective career included: • Active listening • Body language • Assertiveness • Questioning skills However, this e-book goes one step further. It’s looks at the more advanced inter-personal skills needed to be an effective leader. 8 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 9 High-impact interpersonal skills About the Author About the Author Apex Leadership Limited was founded by Anthony Sturgess and Phil Higson. They have a long track record of developing innovative and challenging management and leadership development interventions, including programmes which have won national awards. From several MBA programmes to tailored, client specific programmes, Anthony and Phil have worked with new and experienced managers, in a wide range of organisations, across a breadth of management and leadership roles. Anthony Sturgess has almost twenty years experience in the teaching, facilitation and coaching of managers and leaders. This experience ranges from individual leadership and management development to leading organisational change. Anthony has worked with a wide range of managers from small and large organisations. More widely, he has worked within client organisations, using an internal consultancy approach to create tailored development solutions and programmes. These have supported numerous public and private sector organisations to successfully develop their managers, to achieve effective change, and to realise genuine organisational improvements. Phil Higson is a published author and active researcher, with over 25 years experience in business and management education as lecturer, course developer, manager, external examiner and consultant. He has worked mainly in UK universities although he has also consulted or taught in France, Russia and Hong Kong. A former MBA course leader, Phil has also written research articles and conference papers exploring the role of business schools in workplace management development. Before becoming an educator, Phil worked in several small and large organisations, in both the UK and Australia. This combination of management experience in small and large organisations, in both private and public sectors, has given Phil a wide ranging perspective on work and management. Phil has authored or created numerous training and development tools and is experienced in managing large projects to support management and leadership development in a range of organisations. Contacting Apex Leadership: Website: Apex Leadership Limited Email: [email protected] Or you can visit the major online resource developed by Apex Leadership at: The Happy Manager – helping you find a better way to manage. 9 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 10 High-impact interpersonal skills Introduction 1 Introduction This e-book explores how leaders can develop the high-impact inter-personal skills which will make them both more effective and more successful. Ask most employees about what could be improved in their organisation and there is one topic that’s almost sure to be near the top of the list. Communication. This doesn’t just mean knowing what’s happening. It also means receiving effective communication as part of the way they are managed or led. Effective communication is perhaps one of the most important skills any manager or leader can develop. In this e-book we will explore how leaders can use communication skills to make them both more effective, and more successful. Focusing particularly on inter-personal communication skills, we’ll look at a range of topics, including: • Influencing • Persuasion • Delegation • Coaching • Presentations • Handling conflict • Facilitation • Leading meetings 10 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 11 High-impact interpersonal skills Influencing 2 Influencing What does “influencing” mean? An obvious place to start is with dictionary definitions. Influencing is defined by various dictionaries as: • The ability to change someone’s views, attitude or behaviours in a positive way. • The power of a person to have an effect on someone else resulting from ability, wealth, position etc… When considering what it means to influence, it’s important to note that some definitions of leadership refer explicitly to influencing as an integral part of leadership. For example, in his text book on Management and Organisational behaviour, Laurie Mullens discusses what leadership means: “It is difficult to generalise about leadership, but essentially it is a relationship through which one person influences the behaviour or actions of other people. This means that the process of leadership cannot be separated from the activities of groups and with effective team building.” Even where definitions of leadership don’t explicitly refer to influencing, you can often find an implicit reference. Such as in this definition of leadership from US academic Warren Bennis: “People who know what they want and why they want it, and have the skills to communicate that to others in a way that gains support” So how do you communicate in a way that “gains support”? 2.1 Power and influence There may be occasions where you have felt that you have been tricked into doing something, or perhaps coerced. Neither method tends to leave a good impression of the person who has done the tricking or the coercion. It could be said that this person exerted influence but it’s not likely to be the kind of influence that is sustainable. People don’t like being coerced or tricked. So how can we affect the behaviour of another person by influencing in a more positive manner? We’ll think of some specific skill areas later but first a word about sources of power. One definition of influence refers to the power someone has to affect another person’s behaviour or attitude. Power can be thought of in a number of ways, each relevant to the way leaders can influence others. 11 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 12 High-impact interpersonal skills Influencing Three ways you can think of power are: 1. Position power – this is power that someone has because of their position in the organisation. 2. Expert power – this is power based on someone’s expertise, their skills and knowledge. 3. Person power – this is power that someone has because of how others think of them. If they are respected, valued and trusted then people are far more likely to listen and respond positively to them. Think about your own situation and the possible power sources you have available. How can you build your own personal power based on these points? Although a leader may well have a mix of each, the third power source is particularly interesting in the context of inter-personal communication skills. A person can have power to influence others largely because they have developed trust and credibility with those they seek to influence. Alongside these notions of power, there are a number of skills that can be developed to help you to influence more effectively. Here we will consider: • Active listening • Being interested in others • Aware of body language • Assertiveness • Building rapport 2.2 Active listening and being interested in others Active listening can be defined as: • “The act of alert intentional hearing, interpretation, and demonstration of an interest in what a person has to say through verbal signal, nonverbal gestures, and body language.” (Mosby’s Medical Dictionary) How does active listening relate to your ability to influence? Because a key part of person power is being respected, valued and trusted, and to do this you need to be understood. And if you want to be better understood, first you need to understand others better. Take for instance this insight from the Danish philosopher and theologian, Soren Kierkegard: 12 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 13 High-impact interpersonal skills Influencing “In order to help another effectively, I must understand what he understands. If I do not know that, my greater understanding will be of no help to him… instruction begins when you put yourself in his place so that you may understand what he understands and in the way he understands it.” Putting yourself in the shoes of others is a potent example of active listening, but it also suggests the second of the influencing skills, that of being interested in others. When others sense you are interested in them, and interested in their views, they are far more likely to respect and listen to yours. In many ways this is what US leadership writer, Jay Conger expresses in his own assessment of what makes an effective leader: “The most effective leaders study the issues that matter to their colleagues…in…conversations…they collect essential information. They are good at listening. They test their ideas with trusted confidants, and they ask questions of the people they will later be persuading. These explorations help them to think through the arguments, the evidence, and the perspectives they will present.” (Jay Conger, in Theory and Practice of Leadership, 1999) 2.3 Body language and being assertive Being aware of your body language is another critical element of influencing. Your demeanour, movements and actions are all fundamentally important to influencing skills. WHAT WILL YOU INNOVATE? www.skoda-career.com 13 Click on the ad to read more Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 14 High-impact interpersonal skills Influencing Body language matters. Why? Because before you open your mouth to say anything, your body has already spoken volumes. Various researchers suggest that upwards of 50% of our communication is by our body language. A dictionary definition for body language is: • The conscious and unconscious movements and postures by which attitudes and feelings are communicated. (Oxford Dictionaries) A key aspect of effective body language is congruence. You are behaving in a congruent way when what you say mirrors your body language. We’re all suprisingly good at noticing when someone is not being very convincing, usually when their body language doesn’t back up their words. When it comes to what we believe, body language is far more convincing than the words people say. This is particularly important for a leader attempting to convey confidence and assurance. Getting your body language right will encourage trust and help you influence and thus lead. All of these aspects of body language combined lead to positivity and assertiveness, another key inter-personal skill. Assertiveness is defined as: • Communicating you views and feelings in a calm, direct and respectful way whilst respecting equally the views of others 2.4 Building rapport The mutual respect implicit in assertiveness helps to create trust and is an important aspect of building rapport. Building rapport is defined as: • A sustained relationship of mutual understanding or trust and agreement between people. Rapport exists when two people develop a mutual feeling of understanding, harmony, well-being and security. It is the result of an open and trusted relationship. Rapport is also about meeting people at their level, ensuring they are comfortable with you. Both verbal and non-verbal (body) language have a key role to play in this. An important aspect of rapport is empathising with people’s viewpoints. When you have rapport with someone you feel at ease and conversations tend to flow. Influencing then becomes almost a natural consequence of having built a rapport with others. It is when influencing seems to be at its most natural that it is probably at its most effective. 14 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 15 High-impact interpersonal skills Influencing 2.5 Influencing skills summary Influencing skills are a combination of various inter-personal skills. When brought together, these can help you to be effective in changing someone’s views, attitudes or behaviours, in a positive way. How effective are you at influencing others? ͻt ͻtŚŝĐŚƐŽƵƌĐĞƐŽĨƉŽǁĞƌĐĂŶLJŽƵƵƐĞƚŽŝŶĨůƵĞŶĐĞ͍ ^ŽƵƌĐĞƐŽĨƉŽǁĞƌ ͻͻWŽƐŝƚŝŽŶƉŽǁĞƌ ƚŽŝŶĨůƵĞŶĐĞ ͻͻdžƉĞƌƚƉŽǁĞƌ ͻͻWĞƌƐŽŶĂůƉŽǁĞƌ ĐƚŝǀĞůŝƐƚĞŶŝŶŐ ͻ'ŝǀŝŶŐƚŝŵĞƚŽŽƚŚĞƌƚŽůŝƐƚĞŶ ĂŶĚďĞŝŶŐ ͻĞŵŽŶƐƚƌĂƚĞĚLJŽƵĂƌĞŝŶƚĞƌĞƐƚĞĚ ŝŶƚĞƌĞƐƚĞĚ ͻ, ͻ,ŽǁĚŽĞƐLJŽƵďŽĚLJůĂŶŐƵĂŐĞĚĞŵŽŶƐƚƌĂƚĞLJŽƵƌĂƌĞĐŽŶĨŝĚĞŶƚ ŽĚLJůĂŶŐƵĂŐĞ ĂĂŶĚĂƐƐƵƌĞĚ ĂŶĚĂƐƐĞƌƚŝǀĞŶĞƐƐ ͻWƵƚƚŝŶŐLJŽƵƌǀŝĞǁĨŽƌǁĂƌĚĐŽŶĨŝĚĞŶƚůLJǁŚŝůƐƚǀĂůƵŝŶŐĂŶĚ ͻW ƌƌĞĐŽŐŶŝƐŝŶŐŽƚŚĞƌƉĞŽƉůĞƐƉŽƐŝƚŽŶƐĂŶĚǀŝĞǁƐ ͻDƵƚƵĂůƵŶĚĞƌƐƚĂŶĚŝŶŐĂŶĚƚƌƵƐƚ ƵŝůĚŝŶŐƌĂƉƉŽƌƚ ͻĞŵƉŚĂŝƐŝŶŐǁŝƚŚŽƚŚĞƌƉĞŽƉůĞΖƐǀŝĞǁƉŽŝŶƚƐ  (Active listening, body language and assertiveness are each explored in more detail in our companion e-book: Hidden Communication Skills Revealed. This focuses on the core inter-personal skills essential to effective communication.) 15 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 16 High-impact interpersonal skills Persuading 3 Persuading While the previous section focused on indirect ways to influence others, it’s also important to develop your powers of persuasion. Effective leadership often requires such direct methods to influence those we lead. Persuasion is defined as: the act or process of persuading someone to do or believe something. But how do you set about persuading someone? This is by no means a new question. Indeed, in some ways it’s one that the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle is said to have addressed. 3.1 Ethos, logos and pathos Aristotle is said to have separated the means of persuading someone into three kinds of “appeals”: • An appeal to “ethos” – the credibility of the person making the persuasive argument. How convinced are you by the person • An appeal to “logos” – the use of logic to support a claim. Do the facts stack up? • An appeal to “pathos” – the emotional or motivational appeal. Does the argument appeal to the emotions? Language choice can affect people’s emotional response. DENMARK Are you looking to further your cleantech career in an innovative environment with excellent IS HIRING work/life balance? Think Denmark! Visit cleantech.talentattractiondenmark.com “In Denmark you can find great engineering jobs and develop yourself professionally. Especially in the wind sector you can learn from the best people in the industry and advance your career in a stable job market.” Mireia Marrè, Advanced Engineer from Spain. Working in the wind industry in Denmark since 2010. 16 Click on the ad to read more Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 17 High-impact interpersonal skills Persuading However, don’t confuse open and honest persuasiveness with other, more negative ways to influence. For example, contrast persuasion with two other ways to change a person’s view: • Propaganda, which tends to be ideologically driven and an ethically questionable approach to influencing. • Manipulation, which suggests coercive attitudes or actions. Persuasion should be seen as neutral, in the sense that it is not seeking to be ideologically driven or coercive. 3.2 Arguing if you’re right, listening as if you’re wrong! Stanford University Professor Bob Sutton argues that leaders should adopt this approach to influencing: Argue as if you are right, listen as if you are wrong. The two sides of this approach mirror the notion of advocacy and inquiry. Advocacy is making your thinking process visible. “Here is my view and this is how I arrived at the view” In relation to developing your inter-personal skills, advocacy is about: • Making your point, taking a position in an attempt to influence others. • Supporting your viewpoint with how you came to that view, whilst remaining open to alternative views. On the other hand, inquiry means asking others to make their thinking process visible. “How does it sound to you? What makes sense to you and what doesn’t”? Inquiry is about: • How questions are raised and answered. • Allowing people to inquire into one another’s reasoning and understand the conclusion they have reached. Advocacy and inquiry are two sides of being persuasive. You make your best case for what you think is right, doing so as convincingly as possible. But you do this whilst listening very carefully to those around you, and being willing to change your view as a result. 17 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 18 High-impact interpersonal skills Persuading 3.3 Selling a message. Being persuasive also means being able to sell a message. This is an important aspect of persuasiveness for a number of reasons. Selling a message can mean: • Convincing colleagues of a particular approach. • Bringing employees on-board with your ideas. • Persuading customers to buy your services or products. Let’s consider selling a message with respect to your customers. There is an old adage that people buy from people. So building your relationship and rapport with customers is a crucial skill. How do you do that? First try building your credibility by selling your own strengths. Such as: • Your competence • Your experience • Your track record Next you need to be clear about distinguishing between features and benefits. There is another sales adage: people buy benefits, not features. So what are the differences? • Features – describe a fact or characteristic of a service, what the service is. • Benefits – are something customers have said they want, what the service will do for them. Often there is a tendency to talk “features” rather than finding out benefits from the client. How do you know if you are talking about features rather than benefits? Here’s one test: • If you can’t come up with a sensible reply to “So what?” then you’re probably talking features. • If you can name the feature then follow it with “so this means…”, then you’re talking benefits! Being truly persuasive means focusing on benefits. So how do you avoid the “features trap”? Here’s a simple 3 step process: 1. Ask the client enough questions to discover what it is they need from you. 2. Link what the customer wants to the specific features of your offering, which match those benefits. 3. Use the phrase “which means that” to convert features to benefits. 18 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 19 High-impact interpersonal skills Persuading Whilst these points apply especially to customers they are equally valid when dealing with colleagues and employees. It’s highly likely that they’ll be far more convinced by benefits than they will by features. And remember that whilst we most of us may claim to be logical, the real picture can be much less clear. As Dale Carnegie once put it: “When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.” 3.4 Persuasion skills summary The following table provides a brief summary of the main points we’ve discussed about persuasion. Think about how you can become more persuasive in your inter-personal communication. zŽƵƌĂƉƉĞĂůͲ ͻ ͻƚŚŽƐͲĚŽLJŽƵŚĂǀĞĐƌĞĚŝďŝůŝƚLJ͍,ŽǁĐĂŶLJŽƵďƵŝůĚLJŽƵƌĐƌĞĚŝďŝůŝƚLJ͍ ĞƚŚŽƐ͕ůŽŐŽƐ ͻͻ>ŽŐŽƐͲĚŽƚŚĞĨĂĐƚƐƐƚĂĐŬƵƉ͍,ŽǁĐĂŶLJŽƵďƵŝůĚĂĐŽŶǀŝŶĐŝŶŐ ĂƌŐƵŵĞŶƚ͍ ͻͻWĂƚŚŽƐͲĚŽĞƐLJŽƵƌŵĞƐƐĂŐĞĂƉƉĞĂůƚŽƚŚĞĞŵŽƚŝŽŶƐ͍,ŽǁĐĂŶLJŽƵ ĂŶĚƉĂƚŚŽƐ ĚŝƐĐŽǀĞƌǁŚĂƚŝƐŝŵƉŽƌƚĂŶƚƚŽƉĞŽƉůĞ͕ƚŚŝŶŐƐƚŚĂƚŵĂƚƚĞƌƚŽƚŚĞŵ͍ ĂůĂŶĐŝŶŐ ĂĚǀŽĐĂĐLJ ͻƌŐƵĞLJŽƵƌǀŝĞǁĐŽŶǀŝŶĐŝŶŐůLJ͕ĂƐŝĨLJŽƵĂƌĞƌŝŐŚƚ͘ ͻ>ŝƐƚĞŶŝŶƚĞŶƚůLJƚŽŽƚŚĞƌǀŝĞǁƐ͕ĂƐŝĨLJŽƵĂƌĞǁƌŽŶŐ͘ ĂŶĚŝŶƋƵŝƌLJ ^ĞůůŝŶŐƚŚĞ ͻƵŝůĚLJŽƵƌĐƌĞĚŝďŝůŝƚLJ͕ƉĞŽƉůĞďƵLJĨƌŽŵƉĞŽƉůĞ͘ ͻ&ŽĐƵƐŽŶďĞŶĞĨŝƚƐƌĂƚŚĞƌƚŚĂŶĨĞĂƚƵƌĞƐ͘ ŵĞƐƐĂŐĞ ͻƐŬ͕ďŽƚŚĐůŝĞŶƚƐĂŶĚĐŽůůĞĂŐƵĞƐ͕ƐƵĨĨŝĐŝĞŶƚƋƵĞƐƚŝŽŶƐͲƐŽƚŚĂƚLJŽƵŬŶŽǁ ǁŚĂƚƚŚĞLJŶĞĞĚ͘  How can you develop your powers of persuasion in the workplace? Think about times when you have found other people to have been particularly persuasive. What persuaded you? How did they do it? 19 Download free eBooks at bookboon.com Page 20 High-impact interpersonal skills Delegating 4 Delegating At first thought it may seem strange to consider delegation as a communication skill for leaders. It is more usually understood as a management task. However, some of the critical steps in effective delegation are also crucial communication skills. When delegation goes wrong, it’s often due to ineffective or a complete breakdown in communication. Here we will consider the particular communications skills which are associated with delegation, including: • Building trust. • Communicating what is expected. • Giving a clear brief. • Encouraging questions. • Providing support, encouragement and giving feedback. Perhaps the best way to consider communication skills in relation to delegation is to relate them to the steps and stages of delegation. ZZZVWXG\DWWXGHOIWQO ‡5DQNHGWKLQWKHZRUOG  7+(67HFKQRORJ\UDQNLQJ Page 21 ‡$OPRVW\HDUVRISUREOHPVROYLQJ  H[SHULHQFH ‡([FHOOHQW6SRUWV &XOWXUHIDFLOLWLHV ‡&KHFNRXWZKDWDQGKRZZHWHDFKDW  ZZZRFZWXGHOIWQO 20 Click on the ad to read more Download free eBooks at bookboon.com



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